Not Alone

There are times where we all feel as if we are all by ourselves. We know there is family, friends, and others around to be with us and to help us but that does not remove the feeling of being alone. The feeling that no one understands, no one else has been through this pain, no one feels my pain. We seem to become tricked into convincing our inner soul that we must suffer this burden singlehandedly. We are either too proud or to ashamed to ask for help.

Certainly we could seek professional help, I did that once and the “counselor” explained to me that she was only trying to “pre-screen” each request for mental support to make certain there is a valid claim. Her prognosis was that I needed to talk to a professional and referred me to some qualified shrinks who would charge me a hefty hourly rate to listen to my lifetime of problems. There will be a lot of hours needed for me to get to the point. Continue reading

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Who is pushing who?

In the spirit of what Martin Luther King Jr. fought and died for, let us remember he protested peacefully and his message carried far beyond his own life and inspired men, women, and children of all races. Sometimes our anger for what seems unfair clouds our own judgment and makes us no better than those who created the injustice. Let us not push so hard for racial justice that we become racist ourselves. We also must try to resist the influence of the media, question not authority, question all that you read, see, or hear because the media is merely a point of view that may not necessarily be yours to own.

Swiss Cheese

swiss_cheese.jpgThere is something about Swiss cheese I just don’t like.  This may seem strange and out-of-place but just wait.

Swiss cheese is not your ordinary cheese and it has holes all through it in random places. These holes are caused by pockets of warm filled air bursting out leaving an empty hole behind. There is no flavor in these holes and because I don’t really like this cheese I tend to believe the best flavor of this cheese certainly had to have left with the air pockets. Some people can handle Swiss cheese better than others, some just hide it deep in the fridge where it is out of reach yet reminds them that they need to take care of it.

In the next few days I will be recalling on several people who filled my heart with warm feelings whom have passed on leaving gaping holes in my heart. Holes of emptiness and sorrow. I think of these loved ones quite often and realize that the grieving process never really ends nor do love ones have to pass to cause this grief.

I don’t like the holes in my heart and they can not be filled with anything else. This grief is like Swiss cheese to me. Filled with empty holes, foul tasting, and stored deep away out of reach just to remind me that it needs to be dealt with.

Considerate Posts

It isn’t fair for me to dictate what it is people post. Your opinion is your opinion. However; it certainly is noticeable that those parents who have young children who haven’t reach the troubling teenage years and those individuals who do not have children do not understand the feelings a parent has when they are constantly reminded of their short comings and the issues they may have with their children. So that being said, if you wish to continue to share issues regarding my son then do so just be sure to unfriend me first and if you don’t see my name on your friend list then you didn’t care to begin with. Ask yourself why it is you share what you share.

Naming my Legacy

There will be a day in the future where all that will hold my name will be a granite or even concrete slab at which the dates of the beginning and the end will be displayed as well maybe some heart felt sentence or phrase well beyond my choosing. What this rock won’t express is the good that I have done, the sins I have hidden, the sacrifices I have made and the certain loneliness that has been bestowed upon me. And as the years will pass, so will the recognition that it is my name on that slab and alone again I will become.

Dream Chasers

The definition of success is the damn god forsaken endless hours of hard work you devote to living the dream and by reaching such level keeps you head just above the waters of loss and being as such keeps your status as not being known as a loser in all eyes especially your own. The act of living the dream is giving up almost everything in hopes to reach success and in the means of separating yourself from those around you, you’ve definitely given all you once had. The reality of it all is that some dreams are ongoing nightmares that may never be meant to have been reached. And some of us dream chasers were never meant to succeed and therefore we living the dream have loss and will risk everything for the status of that loss.

You have a dream that you hope will make the quality the lives of many around you better. That dream requires you to make a leap and this you reluctantly do. You now find yourself free-falling through the debris of chaos and you have no parachute or life line to support you as you come to that fearful realization that it there is only the jagged rocks and burning screams of hell below.

Acceptable Strength

I feel that men in my generation, as well as those before us, had been conditioned by society itself to become strong and able and set aside any emotions. We are masters concealing our sensitive feelings with more “acceptable” manly feelings such as frustration and anger. We hold all the painful feelings deep within our soul until there is no room for anymore. When something happens that is so painful and something that we just can’t control or know how to process the flood gates explode and our emotions hit us hard all at once. We try with all our might to be strong but all that does is ad d fuel to the fire that is burning deep inside us. Some of us may seem unreasonable, some may seem extremely quiet or pissed off. It is hard to say what we will do, and at times we may seem and say that we are fine but make no mistake we are in pain and crying harder on the inside. We must find that moment to let our shields down and unload all those feelings without prejudice. The pain may never go away but by emptying out vault we can regain the strength to carry on. Don’t leave us alone, just back away and wait for us to fall, we will need your help to get back up.