I will never say that I am “perfect” nor have I ever been or ever will be. You will also never hear me honestly deny that I have made poor choices or done stupid and bad things. I know what I have done and although I may not know why I did some of those things or said some of the things I have said but they were said and things were done and there is nothing that I could do then nor anything I can do now that takes those away or makes them right.
When we were young we are not… able to comprehend as well as we should when we are older. As teenagers are actions are much more impulsive and harder to control than we would like. It can seem as if our reaction time is much faster than our reasoning. And some of us tend to fall deep into a situation long after it went out of control and we are left feeling helpless and ashamed.
These younger years did not define me! I worked and lived in the same town for many years where people respected me and relied upon me. The same town that ridiculed and dismissed me as a teen. You are in the process of growing up, a process of learning both who you are and how you fit in society. That process involves mistakes and learning from them.
If you fall there is a point where a voice deep inside you will ask if you should get up. Sometimes there will not be anyone there to reach out to you and sometimes you are blinded too much to see all of those who are trying desperately to reach you. We can not control everything and some things are meant to be out of our control. But sometimes when you fall you hurt yourself, sometimes you hurt someone else. You have a choice, stay down in the dirt in pain or get up and move forward.
Although I never committed any serious crimes and I hope I never brought any unwarranted pain or suffering on others. However, I very well could have been in a dark place for a long time but I CHOSE A DIFFERENT PATH. I chose to stand up and I decided that I wanted more from life. I chose what my priorities were.
I remember the things I have done as far back as the dusty streets of pre-teen years and even a few before that. I still feel ashamed of some and stupid about others. I also know that I have become a better person because I learned how to make better choices and I know that although my past may still haunt me from time to time with the little things I have done, it does not lead me and It does not define me. I am who I am because of the people who have been a part of my life and because I chose to stand up and make my life better than it could have been.
I say to you, do the right thing and get past this. Don’t let the darkness influence you and control you. Learn how to think about your actions before you act. When you fall, stand up and accept the fact that you did fall and take the steps to make it right. Soon it will be easier to stand and much harder to fall.