To admit to the faults you have is beyond expression a huge step for many of us. Our bull-headed nature prevents us from being humble enough to see what it is that others actually see rather than what we think they see. Unfortunately, the longer it takes for us to realize what our shortcomings are; the harder it hits us when we finally come to terms with our denials. When we reach that point, the guilt from learning about how many people we hurt in our path of stupidity only multiplies the pain we have to hide.
Those of us who have learned to save face and bury our feelings started small and became masterful at keeping even our strongest motions from being seen. We hold every possible thing that just might reveal even the slightest chance of weakness and lock them deep within our soul. At first it is so much easier than exposing our tears then as time passes by our capacity begins to exceed its limits and our shortness with others begin to become more frequent. In our attempts to protect our pride, we have hurt those closest to us and by doing so we become disappointed with ourselves and now have to bury those feelings as well. These emotions are not limited to those commonly seen by the softhearted such as sadness and love. In fact, many of the emotions we hide related to shame such as hurting someone else or doing something we know wasn’t the right thing to do. We are our own worst enemy and for this point when we do something that we ourselves are not proud of we hid those feelings of guilt, disappointment, and shame along with all the others with in our depository of pain. All this personal disapproval and embarrassment causes us to lose the ability to control our hotheadedness because all this self destructive manner at which we come to terms with ourselves. How is it possible to deal with a misunderstanding with someone else when you are in the middle of fighting with your inner self?
This ill-conceived practice of ours is by no means excusable; however, the damage from within is enormous even though we are still standing tall on the outside. As the years progress and we begin to perceive how this matter of holding our emotions within us is effecting those around us as well as ourselves we slowly try to filter out some of the junk we have buried by just releasing a feeling here or there. We learn that finding a safe space is effective knowing that this place where no one else is provides us with the ability to be alone and cry. However, it usually is this place where we feel we are not entirely alone. During the flow of tears we may feel as if someone is trying to softly tell us that it will be alright. Someone is placing his hand on your shoulder and you feel him saying “let it out”.
Let it out … you feel that now you can release all the evils that have been haunting you all this time deep from within. Let it out … you can feel the liberation of letting go of all these things you feared would weaken you and you can start to feel your heart softening. With all these little bastard voices in your head being evicted from your heart you realize that your path needs to change. You can start to understand by your faults why you do what it is you do and you now are empowered to change that. You let it out because you have been told that it can be forgiven and as you truly repent it will be forgotten.
The struggles begin to countdown and the evils begin to fall few in numbers, however; there is always that one. That one thing you have hidden deep within your soul that has prevented you from moving forward and has enabled you to continue to hide within yourself. There is that one thing from your past that the evils in this life try to convince you that this is unforgivable. This burden is so heavy on your soul that it slows your progression and tears at it with every move. You have been led to believe that you will be forced to live with this for the rest of your life and this pain is the consequence for this wrong you have done.
I will tell you there is an incomprehensible feeling when you become brave enough, when you become strong enough, when you become humble enough to find that someone to listen and to help pull that burden away from you. You can let it go and it can be forgiven. All is forgiven and all is forgotten. Imagine … finally releasing that cancerous feeling from your soul. If you grow strong enough in your faith to know that you can trust that he will forgive you then you will have the ability to stand strong enough to pull the evils which haunt you out and cast them away.
The tears will shed, I will not lie. The tears will shed as they did when you felt the pain. The tears will continue to fall throughout the process and even here and there after. If you can humble yourself enough the tears of joy will overcome you as you come to terms with your faults and learn that all is forgiven. There is this feeling that will be born from this conquest and this feeling may feel alien to you because you have been so used to the heartless thick-skinned manner at which you led your life. This feeling is comfort … this feeling is love … this feeling will inspire you. This feeling will inspire you to reach out to others and even write a bit such as this. This feeling is obtainable because if you can allow yourself to be humble enough to repent for your wrongful deeds all will be forgiven and from there they will be forgotten in his eyes.