Unnoticeable Scars

I broke my ankle many years ago; it was a valuable lesson in many different ways. One don’t break your ankle; Two it’s going to leave a scar as well as lingering stiffness and don’t forget that every time a storm starts to brew you are going to feel it. The doctors are something else if you consider how the medical field has evolved. If this was the 19th century I would’ve lost my foot but my doctor was really good and most of the time I don’t even have a limp. So many years have passed that most people have forgotten about how I shattered both bones in my lower leg right where they meet the ankle. I know; not because there are two noticeable scars, but because I can feel that a part of me was broken and had been repaired. I would dare say one could not possibly understand unless they themselves have experience the misfortune of breaking a bone.

I also dare to theorize that a similar effect can happen to your soul in regards to the damage it has taken during your time here in life. Think about it; how many times have you been hurt so bad and that pain went so deep that you could feel it past your skin and bones? How many times have you felt that you had cried so much inside that your soul felt like it was drowning? How many of those times did forgiving and forgetting make your soul feel like nothing ever happened? Like my busted ankle; I can feel when my soul has been broken and just because it might have been repaired doesn’t mean there aren’t any scars left behind. These scars on my soul are only noticeable for the most part to me much like the scars I see every time I put on my socks every day.

I suppose the battles started out small sort of like a paper cut; real quick and barely noticeable but boy does it sting and sting again every time you touch it. Throughout life there are the random bumps and bruises but there are also those times where the others have thrown you against the ropes and tossed you in the ringer. It is those times at which you feel as if every part of you is on fire and you are so exhausted you do not have the energy to cry out. All of this abuse on your soul leaves scar tissue that builds up over time and can even become infected. The damaged areas become stiff and painful, especially when a storm is coming in.

I have a scar on my cheek where a dog bit me when I was a child; many don’t ever notice it until I point it out and the same goes for many of the other random blemishes cause by my painful experiences. This also applies to those inner wounds whereas most people will never notice them until you share these things you have been hiding with them. Certainly, some will notice how you don’t like being in crowded places or fancy restaurants. Some may even notice how you avoid certain types of people or conversations. In fact, some will most likely notice how you stand strong and sometimes push back a little harder during some topics at which to others don’t seem that important. They may all see these actions but they may not exactly understand why unless they too have similar scars.

My ankle has been healed for many years now, a couple of decades actually, but every winter it begins to act up as the season changes and the air begins to freeze. It can be difficult to walk as it the joint gets stiff and causes me to limp. People who see me ask if I had hurt myself with full concern and I always just shrug it off and say “I’ll be fine, I just need to walk it off.” There are also those days where I am just not feeling well and have a difficult time moving forward. Those are the days where I just feel down and sometimes irritable. Most people see it and keep a safe distance, others ask how I am doing with full concern and I try to shrug it off and say “I’ll be fine, I just need to walk it off.” I know most people don’t understand this ghost pain I get when it feels as if my ankle is still broken. I also know that most people can’t understand how it feels when my soul cries. No matter how many times you as for forgiveness, repent, and try to forget those scars will return as the seasons pass and remind you of the pain you once had to walk off.