Calling of Kindness

I am certain that we all know the philosophy of random acts of kindness and my favorite “pay it forward” so I will save those for some later discussion. What I want to share with you is the kindness that some one feels deeply compelled to provide even if they do not understand why. In fact there are times at which these providers don’t even know what the issue is at which they are called to give. There is some thing over our shoulder whispering into our ear that we should do something, that we should share some message, or that we should just take a moment and check in on someone be it by phone or in person. Some of us do not cry out in the typical ways, if you read any of my previous post you would know that I fit in that category. Asking for help is very hard for me and showing I am in pain emotionally can sometimes be harder.

Recently, I had a challenging situation grow into one that I still don’t know if I can handle. I have learned to use this forum, the blogging thing, as well as random post on social media to help get some of the things out of the condemnation of my mind so I can have room to think straight. I admit that these last few years have been stressful, well actually the last five years have been some of the hardest that I have gone through and there were many times at which I just want to throw in the towel. There were some of those times where I felt as if I would be forced to steal a towel to throw in because the evils of this world stole that from me too.

These past few years have been the years of rebuilding, a sort of relocation to revitalize and regenerate.  I’m sure that I have expressed in a word here or there how difficult this has been. I have never worked so hard in my life nor have I done so much soul-searching and praying. Mind you that I am fully aware that other people have shared similar trials and even more who are facing much greater challenges, however; at times it feels that the gates of hell opens up and tries to play a no-school-rules game of dodge ball with flaming rocks. I hated that damned game in school; I could never throw the ball nor catch it and it seemed like one of those games that gave the bullies an opportunity to enhance their skills. Well playing that game now with the demons and evils surrounding them will either drown you in the depths of hell or bring you closer to your creator.

These past few years has been a balancing act and recently such has become certainly more unstable. Sometimes I feel like screaming and saying that if I get hit by one more fiery rock; I’m gonna get down and open a can of … but that is exactly what the others want. They want me to lose my head and become angry because that allows them to get inside my head and control my soul. So recently I began to lose hope and I vented and I blogged and I didn’t really feel any better by doing so. Sometimes I pray that by letting a little out I won’t feel like I am going to boil over or break down but sometimes it only become words on the screen. The ultimate therapeutic purpose is to vent not seek any responses but most of the time some one is listening.

Some people read the words and replied without truly pondering on the meaning of what was being conveyed. They offer some advice or reassuring comment and sometimes they do help and make you feel better, at least a little bit. Others tend to post a response that fits their perception of what you should do regardless of what is best for you but is what they think is the easiest course or maybe the road others would have taken. The if the roads are too bad just turn around and go home mentality, however; that doesn’t solve the problem when you have already driven down that road and are in the middle of nowhere and you don’t have enough gas to turn around and drive all the way back home. Sometimes the simple answer isn’t possible.

What caught me off guard was that God seemed to have read my words and heard the cries I was trying to hide within the context of those words. I wasn’t able to hear him and he knew it but he still wanted me to hear him. Someone read my post and it actually reached her in such a way that she was given guidance to share a discussion that gave me the reassurance I needed. Not just some generic “it will be alright” discussion, but one that actually discussed the feelings I was having without me sharing those feelings directly. It was as if the person giving the talk four years ago actually read my words and responded to me himself. The friend who shared this talk did not preach, she did not even put it as a reply to my original post, she just put the title and a link to the discussion and when I saw the words of the title I knew it was meant for me.  I listened to that talk four or five times and it didn’t answer my “why” questions but it made me feel a little less lost and gave me back a little bit of the hope I was losing.

I did receive some messages and even a phone call, but I am not one that likes to “talk” about things so I didn’t respond and made the phone calls short and avoided the point. Sure, I did reach out to some which is also something that I don’t normally do but I have a few friends who have proven to be that turn to person at times. I knew feeling better or thinking everything was going to work out was not likely. Rather than that, I was certain that my whole world was about to crash down on me. I had already put on my armor and began to lock up my feelings and tried to just push through and see what was going to happen. I have learned that sometimes if you know you can’t stop the rain you either watch the drops fall or you work in the conditions you have.

That afternoon, these missionaries who have been visiting read my words and could tell there was something wrong. They had already been by twice this week, once because one of them was leaving and the other was their normal check in share a message kind of thing. This was out of their way and not part of their plan, yet they felt the need to drive over and share a few things the spirit inspired them to share with me. When they were inspired they didn’t even know what the situation was, yet they were given a message to share that was to help me. They just showed up and knowing that they did that not because I was on their list but because they cared about me and they knew they were sent to me for a purpose. Their compassion drowned out some of my feelings of doubt and their kindness embraced me deeply. Even as I stood tall and tried to fight off my weakness and emotions they let me know that they heard both my cries and God’s call.

That next day, I felt a lot better after the missionaries’ visit and the discussion provided to me by another friend. I called a friend of mine to check in on her and she spent most of the time concerned about me and my emotional and spiritual well-being. I didn’t call her to talk about me, I don’t like talking about me, however; she knew that I needed to regardless of what I thought. We talked for several hours and it was very helpful and allowed me to listen when my mind wasn’t letting me think. Sometimes my thoughts create so much chaos that I am unable to control it and it becomes more damaging to me than my worst enemy. Being able to listen to reason and discuss things certainly seem to ease my mind a bit and allowed me to keep the chaos down to a controllable level.

All of these people who came to me in one manner or another are people whom I have not known all my life or even most of it. These are people whom I have met within the last six months and one I have only met once. There is no implied duty of care laid upon them by any family ties or connection, yet they listened with a spirit filled heart and heard exactly what I was saying without asking why I was saying it. They listened to the calling they felt and acted on it just to show they heard me. They could have just scrolled by my post or ignored the promptings of the Lord but they didn’t. They could have just said “oh, that’s too bad. It looks like he’s having a bad day. I hope it gets better for him.” They didn’t they just acted and with the divine influence provided what they could and what I needed. These words cannot begin to express my gratitude for the littlest thing they did to make me feel a little better during my trials. I know that they may not be able to help me but they showed not only did they care, but that God himself cares.

Sometimes random acts of kindness are an excellent way of making others feel good as well as making yourself feel good. These random acts of kindness provides the hope that if one does something for a random person they will feel the need to do something kind for someone else. It’s similar to the pay if forward method where I do something for you but instead of repaying me you pass the favor forward and do something for someone else. This society has an unwritten debt system built up on favors whereas if I do something for you, you therefore owe me a favor. By paying is forward you pass the debt to help someone else. These are all good and well and I certainly support them rather than watching society riot and fight amongst themselves.

The kindness I am here to discuss is that compelling urge to act because something deep inside you is telling you that someone else needs you. It isn’t a favor nor is it a random person you are trying to help. It is a direct calling for you do specifically do something even if you know little about why you are to help someone else. It involves listening to the small voices inside your soul and acting on them. Sometimes it may take a phone call or a post on social media. Sometimes it may take a visit or a little note placed here or there. Sometimes it isn’t about knowing or solving the problem because some of us just don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes it is just being there and letting them know that you know they are crying inside and you feel it.

In a recent post I wrote a modified question of an old philosophical thought experiment regarding “If a man falls from atop his mountain and no one is around does his cries create a sound?” Well this experience proves that God does hear us even if no one else is around and if others will listen to his calling and influence they will show you that others care. Even if you are not able to listen to his the message he is sending you directly because your situation is hindering your ability to listen, he will certainly try alternate means to get the message across. There may be a day where you will get a sense to say something, post or share something, or just let someone know you are there. It may be a complex message or as simple as just standing there next to them. These are not random acts of kindness nor are they favors that must be repaid, they are genuine and spiritual.

Maybe a man has fallen from atop his mountain and you may not hear his cry but if God tells you he is full of tears will you go see if he is alright?