Each and every one of us goes through struggles and hardships, we each carry burdens and feel that life is unfair; well it is and that is life. Sometimes I feel that my burdens are going to finish me off yet there usually a moment where those holding me down are lifted and I feel a small degree of success right before the world hits me with something else. There is a saying that “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” well sometimes these struggles are so painful I wish it just finish me off. The only strength I have learned from my trials is that with each that has passed and made me “stronger” it has done so because the next burden will be greater than the last.
There is another tidbit of advice that actually makes me begin to boil and that is how “God will never give us more than we can handle” and more so that God gives us these trials and burdens to strengthen us. These aggravate me because it is as if I must suffer for a good reason and that these such trials and hardships are supposed to be difficult so that I can grow stronger. Stronger for what? These burdens we carry will make us stronger so that we can carry more burdens and push through more difficult trials. These life hating situations we must endure are to test and build up our faith because strength isn’t always how much we can push but how much can push us without causing us to lose hope.
These recent burdens I am fighting seem to be compiled and I feel that I haven’t grown strong enough from the previous one before the next one slaps me in the face. I have been questioning so many things throughout this battle and I will be honest, I will push back as hard as I must but my faith isn’t as strong as I need it to be. The feeling of losing hope is so much more painful than any physical infliction and the guilt born from knowing that my faith is being tested and I am failing is at times too much to take. Add to these struggles, the others will infest thoughts into my mind once my faith becomes weakened and cause me to develop doubt and leads me into despair.
The demons of this world have me to believe that I will lose everything and that I will be left out on the streets alone. I can’t stay where I am; I can’t go back home; and there is nowhere for me to go and no one for me to turn to. The battle is trying to figure out how to fix this situation yet I also have to think about what to do when the situation overcomes me and I lose. Where do I go? What am I going to do with all my stuff? What do I keep and what do I throw away? If I lose I lose everything in a sense because it has been made clear that home offers no peace and I will need to find a job as well as a place to live. To add to this, the accumulation of “junk” is essentially all I own in this world and all I will have left.
These burdens are not like stepping in front of a bus, it is more like being dropped into a busy freeway in New Jersey full of buses. Maybe if I just stand still they will all miss me and when it is all over I will be ok. Not very likely, because by doing so fear is built up and fear will cause you to react. Sometimes that reaction is not the direction you were meant to go in. Your fears can actually throw you in front of the bus. The last thing you need to do when you have so many buses coming at you is to panic and allow your fears control you, you need to think this through and seek guidance. Friends of mine would tell me when I pondered a question or situation that would deem to be difficult that I should pray about it and ask God for help. What do you think a man stuck on a freeway full of buses is doing? I guarantee there will be prayers cried out in hopes that God would just reach down and pull him out of danger.
There is a difference in praying for God to save you and praying that he will help guide you or show you the way. Remember the previous statement of how “God will never give us more than we can handle”? God doesn’t put us in a situation without providing a way out. We all have agency or “free will” and each time we are at a cross-road we have more than one path to take. This life has so many distractions and bad influences that cause us to choose the path less likely to succeed yet we blame God for not showing us the way or saving us when the others have their grip so tightly around us and our lives.
The way God has provided has been written down and has not changed. He wants us to make our own choice and that is so much different from Satan who tricks us and lures us into a situation that could certainly make us wish our lives were over. We need to know that our burdens are meant to strengthen us, to strengthen us emotionally and spiritually. By building up our faith we will be more likely able to see the path He wishes us to follow. By knowing the voice of the Spirit, we can learn which voice is protecting us and which is deceiving us. By learning that praying is not an easy way out of a situation where we can do nothing and be rescued but that praying is to reach out to God and learn how to listen to his guidance and also how to act upon it.
We all go through hardships and carry burdens that seem too much to handle. I feel that each time my faith is being tested and pushed too far and in fact it is because with each trial my faith is pushed to where I begin to lose hope and then it becomes strong enough to be pushed a little further. I don’t know if I will pull myself out of despair at times and I don’t know what life or the others will throw at me next, but I have learned that keeping my faith is the most important thing and by doing so I will have hope that I will stay on the right path. The most important thing is not to pray with expectations, but pray for guidance and listen. You must shut out all the chaos and the evils of this world so you can hear the words that are being given to you.
Imagine being so full of sorrow and anger at the time of our judgement because of all the pain caused by the struggles we faced in life just to cry out to the Lord in the end “why! why didn’t you help me!?” just to hear him say “I tried over and over again. I tried so many times and sent so many messages. Why? Why didn’t you take the time to listen?” Sometimes we make the wrong choices and by doing so puts us into a much more difficult situation than we had started. When we do this, God must try to help guide us out of both this new situation as well as the original one. I often think he is up there yelling at us as some of us yell at the television screen when watching something as if we can tell the actors on the show what is going to happen if they open that door.
I will never claim to be able to help you out of a situation or know how to lift that burden you are carrying, but a friend once taught me that I should pray with intent and listen and most of all have the strength and courage to do what the Lord ask of us. For now I have a fight I must continue to fight and I must go and pray that I will have the strength to follow the path God has set for me. For I am not strong enough but with time this burden too will pass.