Stand by your … Who?

You can tell those who are closest to you by those who stand with you throughout the hardest of times. Surely your family and friends will support you and be concerned about your well-being during your most difficult moments because as your loved ones they genuinely care about you. It isn’t so much that they want you to be happy, it is more that they hate to see you sad. Unfortunately in part, when we have difficult times there are some of those whom you expected to stand with you that will fall back into the shadows and act as if they had no idea you needed them

Those closest to you will help you make the most difficult decisions and listen to your most terrible fears. So very often we feel as if there is no one to talk to or that no one is willing to listen. One of the parts of bringing in people close to your heart is that these are the ones whom you trust and confide in. These are the very people in this world who should be willing to listen to you and give you advice that would be in your best interest. These are the ones whom you can speak to as if you were talking to yourself and feel confident that they want and care that you make the best choice concerning your situation. 

You can tell those who care by the ones who stop and pick you up from the dirt and ask if you are alright rather than those who complain how your fall nearly took them down as well.  Imagine falling to the ground and hearing someone you felt was close to you yell out “watch out! Look what you almost made me do!” and step around your fallen body. It would surprise you that a perfect stranger may be the one who actually takes time to lift you from the filth rather than some of your closest friends. Maybe we have become so comfortable with our one lives that we become blinded to common courtesy and compassion.

When faced with painful trials they will not steal your focus to benefit their own needs and desires instead they will walk with you and support you during your battles. How many times have you tried to share your feelings or ask for help when those you rely on turn and respond with a story of how they had to live through similar circumstances, like this is some kind of competition on whose life sucks more? We often get the “oh yea, I had that happen to me” or “well I had it far worse” or even “so and so had to do that and they are fine now”. How is any of that helpful? More so, when you tell someone that you are in need of help and they redirect the attention to the things they need, not that their needs are not important; however, how is putting your needs in place of responding to the request for help from someone else being helpful. Instead of helping each other one always seems to get forgotten because the other felt it was more important to focus on what they needed rather than to actually listen.

Most certainly when you fail they will not turn the dagger upon you and push you away and question whether you are what they want or need. What a feeling to know that despite your best effort you still end up failing or falling short of some definition of success and those whom you wish would console and comfort you turn on you and point out all your faults along the way. You have already admitted to yourself that you lost and now your support group expresses that you are a failure in so many different ways. To top it off, imagine if your failure and their disappointment causes them to question whether you are what they want or need. It’s like saying “well if you can’t succeed you just may not be the right man for the job, sorry.”

I suppose the vows of marriage clearly state: “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” There is no place for “in success or in failure” or even “for my problems and for yours”. However; failure should not be the final judgment leading to “until death do us part” because to fail isn’t supposed to be the death of us nor is it supposed to be seen as a complete loss. Nevertheless, if failure leads to the re-evaluation of one’s priorities or even their expectations.

 We all face trials throughout our lives, some are small and easily fought alone. Others are life changing and non-refundable and the choices we make can set the path we walk for the time left to walk on this earth. These pivotal moments that bring us to make difficult choices are not the time for childish games or selfish rants, these are moments when together means so much more than I, me, Or mine. You can tell those who are closest to you when life becomes complicated, difficult, and scary yet they are still beside you because you are you.