Walking in the Rain

There are these times when we are say, walking down a particular road going into a particular place in mind. We are determined and as we walk we may hum, sing, and even talk to ourselves just to keep the time from pressing down upon us. Our thoughts become more vivid and that which haunts us and taunts us become closer in our solitude. We have a destination and we have the desire to reach that at all cost whether it be fighting the loneliness or the thirst, or even our weakening knees and aching feet. Along our journey several challenges cross our path and those must be overcome in order to continue forward. Such challenges are to be expected and some are easily met. We can endure the heat as the sun hangs high above us and even create a makeshift shade with a newspaper found alongside the road. We can slowly avoid the rattling warning of a viper waiting for us to close in so it can strike and fill our veins with poison. Most importantly; we can keep moving so that the buzzards circling above and the scavengers lurking around do not mistake us for dead and tear bits and pieces of us as we rest.

This walk we are on we can often see the challenges and have time to ponder and prepare for the action that will help us endure. Often the distance itself gives us time to formulate a plan so that when we reach that trial we are strong enough to push through. This walk we can see in the distance a storm cloud coming toward us. We know that where the storm clouds are there too can be rain and even thunder, lightning, and hail. Just maybe that cloud will pass us by. Just maybe that cloud will dissipate and the comfort of the blue skies will prevail. We cautiously keep moving toward the darkened path because at this point what else are we to do? This storm is large and continues to head towards us, if we choose to turn around and retreat that cloud would chase us down. If we try to wait it out we will have to endure more than if we walk towards the storm. We could make another path, however; anyone who has ever walked in the woods knows the feeling as if you are walking in circles and that will only make us lost within the storm.

We choose to stay on the path knowing the risk and that it is far better to try to reach our destination than it is to allow the fear caused by this storm to change our direction. The storm cloud engulfs us and the temperature drops. Silence seems much dense and the tiny droplets begin to fall one at a time warning us of what is to come. We did not begin this journey prepared to fight off the storm, we could have picked up things along the way to help us however; we did not know then what our trials would be as we moved closer to where we want to be.

The tiny droplets of rain turn into a misting shower and soon the droplets begin to grow and expand. We try to shield ourselves from the showing rain with the newspaper we had used to shield us from the sun. This does the job and works rather well as it absorbs the showing droplets and slowly gets heavier and less shielding as it becomes saturated. This shield we formed from newspaper wasn’t designed to withstand the conditions at hand. The showering storm turns into a full-fledged rain storm and soon our shield begins to only channel the rain towards us and this which had once protected us now begins to burden us. We continue to walk as we ourselves become saturated. Knowing that we are already wet from the falling rain we try to protect ourselves less from the storm. We push forward despite the weight the storm has applied to us fore we can no longer keep from being saturated but we can try to get through this as fast as possible.

Just as our determination builds and our momentum sets a steady pace the rain drops turn into buckets and the wind begins to freeze us straight to our bones. The rain itself begins to freeze and as the hail drops the power of the wind nearly steps us back as its gust throws us around the path. The thunder roars and the lightning cracks through the darkness of the storm. We have reached the full warning of the storm and its threatening tactics to try to force us to turn and change our path. We must continue to push through and so we embrace ourselves and lean in with our shoulders as we make our way through the hail and use our fear to keep us moving rather than allowing it to petrify us in place. We are tired, we are soaking wet to the core, and we are battered and bruised but we are determined to endure. What is the point of turning back now? We will only have to face the same abuse, the same chaos, the same trials we already overcome. We must endure to the end.

The thunder echoes in the distance behind us as the lightning shatter the sky less and the hail and rain lightens as it falls to the path beyond us. The darkness of the storm fades from our forward sight as it rolls in our past. We have made it through the storm, we are saturated and worn, we are cold and our bodies are sore, but we have made it through this trial. The destination is before us and the sun will warm us and dry our clothes. We can make this and we have learned from this. We wished that we would have been prepared and maybe an umbrella would have been handy. However, a mere umbrella would have only shielded us from the lightest portion of the storm and the shaft from the umbrella itself would’ve very well directed the power of the lightning towards us. Maybe a rain suit would have helped us along the way or maybe just learning that we can push through the storm can give us the sense of strength and knowing that we did not fail or back down during those times of trials.

We continue walking down this path and embrace the warmth of the sun shining above us. We can look back and see the storm and think about all the choices that we made and even the ones we chose not to take. We are dry and as we reach our destination we will always remember when we were walking in the rain. This journey that we are on, walking down this particular road; we cannot fully prepare for the trials that we will face along the way. We will most certainly be tested and pushed to point where we will want to give in but it is the desire to keep pushing forward that will keep us on that path. It is the hope that the destination we seek will provide us with joy and comfort that strengthens us and the faith we rely on helps us endure. We all will face storms and we can’t always be prepared. If you stay on the right path you too will be able to look back and remember walking in the rain.

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Tuning In

I am not certain I portrayed my thoughts exactly as I felt them in my last posting, and that certainly happens more often than not. These things we think sometimes fade in and out and become blurred with other thoughts. Sometimes they are like dreams while your awake and it is said that you should have a note book next to your bed so you can record your dreams before you are too awake to remember them. These thoughts are very similar except I think about them often and feel prompted to put them here. If I wait too long or if the thought isn’t all that strong I begin thinking about something else. Sometimes I have a story to tell and someone or something will happen that affects me emotionally or spiritually to where it changes the story completely. This frustrates me because I can sense that the original story was worthwhile yet the effects of life caused it to be erased forever. This is particularly why I try not to create stories and convince myself to share while the thinking is strong. Sharing thoughts while they’re the most vivid almost feels as if it is being channeled directly to this page. Making up a story demands too much creativity and a form of schizophrenia where the author must create a different personality for all the characters within the story he is trying to create. I am certainly not that talented nor do I have that much time to spare. What you will find here are simple and complicated thoughts and my impression on them. They are not absolutely correct nor are they wrong. It is just my perception at the time of thinking. Continue reading

Second Language Second Nature

I have always had a desire to learn a second language, I don’t really care what; I just want to be able to understand what sounds foreign to me. I never had the opportunity to take French or Spanish in high school, I feel it was more due to my behavior and lack of control than any academic reasoning. I thought it was cool when characters on the television or in movies would suddenly switch from one language to another, especially when they would start speaking some harsh Italian in what seemed to be hyper speed when they were angry. It wasn’t long ago that I attempted to learn Portuguese on my own through self-help CDs. I really thought I had it, at least right up to the point when I tried to have a conversation with a Brazilian. I was so discouraged to learn that after all those hours spent listening to those CDs and practicing over and over again that I really didn’t know anything that was being said.

I was born here in America and so were both of my parents, and their parents. The English language was introduced to me before I was even born and that is what I was taught to understand and at one point I felt that everyone in the world understood the English language. Every single thing I have learned has been taught to me in English and it is that English language that makes it so confusing to learn to speak any other language. It amazes me to see how fluent people from other countries are in their language and how they can’t understand what I am trying to say. There is certainly a language barrier that separates us and makes it seem that because we speak different words that we are a completely different species or alien of some sorts.   Continue reading

Lost?

Are you really lost? Do you really not know where you are going? If so stop wandering in the direction that you are heading in. What’s the point of feeling lost or without direction and continuing down that same path. If you cannot see what is ahead of you and feel too ashamed to look behind you then maybe you need to think about a different road. Just maybe if you are not able to see where you are it is because you are being blinded by that which imprisons you there. Sometimes when you feel as if you are walking in circles you just need to try harder to walk straight when the forces around you are trying to make you turn in the same direction as before. You need to break out of that circle and break away from the delusion that fills you with deception and gives birth to this feeling of being lost and without direction. Continue reading

Gasping for Air

Not long ago while on a bike ride through Virginia a large predator bird like a hawk or falcon was seen flying off with a rodent. This rodent was flailing and fighting for its life as the bird flew higher and higher. Apart of me would like to see that little rodent fight its way out and escape the grasps of this powerful bird.  Although, if that would to happen what are the chances that this rodent would survive? The talons on this bird most likely cause some serious wounds and internal damage, especially while the rodent was flailing, twisting, and turning trying to escape. Furthermore, if the little rodent did escape the grasp of these talons where would it run off to? This bird is flying upward near thirty or forty feet in the air if the rodent managed to wiggle its way out surely he would just plummet to its death below.  It’s fair to say that the time for this rodent is very near and regardless of how much he fights he will not become victorious. Certainly, I am not saying that this rodent should stop fighting for its life, but maybe it was the wrong time to fight.  Continue reading

Its been a Year

A few days ago, I received a notification from WordPress, the site that host my thoughts saying:

Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com one year ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.

Its seems hard to believe it’s been more than a year since I started using this forum to clear my head. I know that sometimes they are just words, but many times those word connect to feelings. A year ago, when it was suggested that I share my thoughts I figured why not see what happens. I felt that if I could get the thoughts out of my mind it might help me think about where I am headed rather than what’s holding me back. Plus, maybe by sharing my thoughts it will somehow help or at least relate to someone else.  Continue reading

The Bus Stop

There is a funny thing about buses … bear with me now, let me finish. We all have those moments in life where we are standing in a stop waiting for some bus to take us to our next destination whether that maybe school, church, or work. For moments of our lives we pause and just wait for this to finally arrive. Those moments before stepping on the bus seem as if time moves slower and our patience grows thin. We are often led to believe that if we look more often at the time it will have no choice but to move a little faster.  Our experience has taught us that we have little control on when that bus arrives so we basically left to wait as patiently as possible because we are led to believe for that moment at least that it is this bus we are waiting for that will take us to where we need to be. Continue reading